Tuesday, May 11, 2021


Your best friend (part 1)web

Agnes complains to her friends: “My husband is with his friends again. He does not stay at home even one evening. When he is not with his friends, he visits his parents. I get the feeling that he does not love me any more. He says I am too busy with the children all the time and that I do not care about him.”

Does this happen in your home too? Let us see what the Word of God has to say about this matter. I stand to say:

Your friend is your equal

 Genesis 2:15-25.
After God made the earth, He appointed man to cultivate and guard it (Genesis 2:15). He had to take charge of the animals (Genesis 1:27-28 and 2:19). Man looked after all the animals and gave them names. But he could not find a single animal that was a suitable partner for him. He longed for somebody who could be his equal. It had to be somebody who could stand beside him, and not someone over whom he would rule as he ruled over the animals (Genesis 2:20).
Then God made a wife for the man. She was equal to the man. She was his friend. She was part of him. He did not rule over her. They worked together and became like one person (Genesis 2:24). They did not hide anything from each other. Man and his wife trusted each other perfectly. Therefore they were not ashamed to be together, although they were naked (Genesis 2:25). Adam and his wife, Eve, were best friends.
I believe this is how God meant marriage to be. It is a relationship where husband and wife trust each other completely. They show their thoughts and their bodies to each other. The one does not rule over the other. They help each other and support each other. God meant husband and wife to be each other’s best friend. We were not taught this and never saw it practiced in our Christian communities, therefore may find this very difficult to follow but with practice, we can achieve it. It is God’s purpose for marriage. Remember, the world has its own model of marriage.

Closer to you than your parents
Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5 and Ephesians 5:31.
In the time the Bible was written, the husband brought his bride to his parents’ house when they married. They usually lived with his parents. The woman had to leave her father and her mother when she got married. This is also the custom in many areas of Africa. But in Genesis the Lord says the husband must also leave his father and mother when he gets married. It seems to go against the custom. Perhaps we can learn from this that God wants a husband and wife to live together without too much interference from their family. Together the couple must work out a new life for themselves.
The husband learnt a certain way of life in his parents’ home. The wife was brought up in a different home. Each has something to bring into the new way in which they will live together. They learn from each other. Each one has a share in their new life together.
If the wife has to go and live with the husband’s parents, she must fit into the way in which her husband lives. If she does not, she cannot really contribute to their new life as much as she should. Therefore the Word of God says that the husband and wife must begin a new life separate from their parents. The husband and wife must each respect the way in which the other grew up. Together they must try to take the best part of what they learnt at home and try to build their own family tradition.
When a husband has to choose between his wife and his parents, the Lord says that the man must stand by his wife (Ephesians 5:31-33). They are one. They must act like one person. Together they must honour the parents of both and listen to their parents’ advice. But you may not place your father and mother above your husband or wife. Your wife or husband is your best friend!

More important than your children
Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5 and Ephesians 5:31 again.
In these important verses about marriage, we do not read anything about children. When a husband and a wife become one, it is already a complete marriage in the eyes of God. Today some people in certain cultures, think that a marriage is only complete when many children, especially boys, are born. However, we must understand that children are an extra gift and blessing from the Lord to parents. They are not the main purpose of the marriage.
When God gives you children, it is an honour and a responsibility that you will have for the rest of your life. But this does not take anything away from your responsibility to each other as husband and wife. Your marriage is the foundation on which you bring up your children. If you are truly one, your children will be happy.
If a husband must choose between his wife and his children, his wife comes first. And for a wife her husband must always come first in her love, before her children. If the mother says: “These are my children, you may not punish them!” the foundations on which she wants to build up her children will crack. If the mother says “No” to the child and the father says “Yes”, they add more cracks to the happiness and good character of their children. The children must grow up knowing: our father and mother are one.

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